he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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