you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
