marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
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Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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