Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
