one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
