i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
