I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
