This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
