i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
