we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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