my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I wear drunk well.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
