toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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