Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
