I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
so much tequila, so little girl.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
