erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
