dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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