if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
