im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
