idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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