I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
