I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My life is pants optional.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
