He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I deserve this hangover.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
