who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
