our cab driver is having phone sex.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize