what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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