don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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