guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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