If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
