And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
