I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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