I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
