The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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