"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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