the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The beer is more important than you right now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
