Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
