I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
