For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
