in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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