I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
