How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
