so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
