btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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