how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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