EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
