I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
