we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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