Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
