i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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