You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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