I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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