This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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