we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I AM VODKA MAN
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
