he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
