Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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