dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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