woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
