i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
