Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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