the condom got lost in my hair
You smell like stripper and shame
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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