I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
