I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
