So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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