omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
