I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
