I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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