it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
