How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
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There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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